I didn't shave. On purpose
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
