New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
