ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
