Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I lost the right to judge tonight
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
