How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize