btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
