He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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