I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
