i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
