Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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