I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
