you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Found your dick twin last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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