ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
