Jerry, you need to find god
Welp...herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
