Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
