I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
