there was a trapeze. enough said
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
