I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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