you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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