omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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