Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
