Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
