You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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