This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
