Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
