he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
