one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
