Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
