I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
