i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
