i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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