I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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