the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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