I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
