i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
