I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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