Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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