In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
