oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
