I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
4 words: hood of his car
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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