Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
