Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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