thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
