I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
