Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
