i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just cropdusted the office
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
