I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
