I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
