I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
