I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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