So drunk, too bad you don't want this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize