I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
