went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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