remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
