I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
