I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
