i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Of course I have a pirate flag
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize