i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm jealous of your bromance
I need to stop coming to work sober
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
