I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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