Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
