Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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