Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
