so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
