just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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