wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize