after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize