I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
