Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
