Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
